2015, July: Thank You, All of You

One of the reasons I am struggling with motherhood is because I'm an extremely competitive person. To the point that if I cannot be the best at something, I don't want to do it. If I can study to get better at something, I will. If it takes natural talent and I'm no good? I tend to give up. (Kind of like how Hermione was no good at flying and no amount of time in the library could help her). So I'm constantly annoyed that I can't study to get better at being a mother. That I can't get all the answers right and walk away with my A grade. And there's certainly no chance that I can give up.

I also have envy issues. Several friends have recently had babies. If their child didn't spend any time in the NICU - I'm envious. If they post a photo of themselves with their baby and their eyes are NOT puffy and bloodshot from hours/days/weeks of crying - I'm envious. If their baby sleeps - I'm envious. Social media paints an incredibly rosy picture of motherhood. I mean, look at my own feed and you'd think Declan was a permanently happy baby and that I never spend Saturday mornings screaming that I cannot cope for one more minute before locking myself in the bedroom and making Christian entertain the kid all day.

The one thing that gets me through? That helps me open the bedroom door and give Declan a cuddle? That helps me persevere with "aggressive sleep training" (my term) and will get me through whatever challenge is coming next? You lot. The people who comment on my blog and Facebook posts and, even more, the people who send me private messages and emails or call. Not to give me advice (I don't want advice!), but to tell me your stories. Your crying in the NICU, your struggles with breastfeeding, your lack of sleep. The people who know that the oft-touted phrase "it gets better" is not the whole truth. Yes, it gets better, but then it gets worse then better then worse then better ad infinitum. You give me the reality that I desperately need, you remind me that I'm not alone. Thank you, all of you. Keep the stories coming. xxx

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2016, January: Who Should Pay for the Arts

Working for a small nonprofit after the Goliath that is the Smithsonian has been an eye-opening experience. We're constantly doing - as my boss likes to call it - "the hustle." A great deal of time, energy, and resources is spent (and stress, sleepless nights, and several tears are experienced) while chasing funding instead of working on the mission, while the mission remains crucial to bringing in the money as well as being the reason we're all here. It's difficult to maintain that balance while keeping the organization afloat and the staff (mostly) sane. It's made me think a great deal about who should pay for what we do. I believe the arts are critically important and I am incredibly proud that a town the size of Idaho Falls (serving a population of around 100,000 in the city and surrounding rural areas) has art galleries, a large, historic theater that brings in nationally touring productions, and the-first-of-its-kind interactive art and technology cent...

2015, September: Plagiocephaly, aka Declander the Amazing Helmet Boy

Declan started wearing a helmet last Friday. We knew he had a wonky head - for the first four months of his life he always slept in the exact same position - but we were hoping he would grow out of it. I knew I was supposed to be doing something about it (wedging him to sleep on the other side somehow), but it was enough of a celebration just to get the kid to sleep that I couldn't deal with anything else. At four months old he started rolling and would sleep in a variety of positions, but unfortunately the damage had been done. At his four month check-up the pediatrician said it wasn't too bad and that we should just keep an eye on it. At six months, however, a different pediatrician said "hmmm. We should probably have a specialist take a look." The specialist came from Salt Lake City and said that Declan had a moderate case of plagiocephaly (wonky head) due to slight torticollis (weak neck muscles on one side). Now that he's holding his head up fine and sitt...

A Successful Trip!

I turn 40 this week. Yellowstone National Park is one of my favorite places in the world, so I decided we should go spend the weekend in the park for my birthday. As we got closer, I discovered I wasn’t really looking forward to it. Both kids are exhausting at the moment, and Ophelia especially does not do well in the car. Or in the cold. Or in any situation where her indecipherable needs are not being met. When I saw that thunderstorms were forecast all weekend, I almost canceled. But we’d paid a deposit on the cabin so we decided to take a chance and see what happened. Well. The weather worked out almost perfectly and the kids were amazing! They handled all the time in the car, they hiked, they even (mostly) behaved themselves in a fancy restaurant. Ah. Maze. Zing. On day one, we headed up to West Yellowstone and had our usual giant pancake lunch before venturing into the park. Then we drove down to West Thumb geyser basin, where both children managed to a) n...

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